One Innocent Morning

I popped over to bloglines and read some of my feeds.

Shrinky posted some pictures of an annual event that occurs in her lovely hometown. If you are of the faint hearted persuasion...I would not enlarge the group picture.

What Would You Do?

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he look back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER...

FASTER...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP....

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket

clapping.clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP....

clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, as the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...and,




The coffin stops .

I'm Not Here

I'm in Atlanta! (well I will be later today...right now I am at my computer in the kitchen when I should be finishing up the packing)

Woo Hoo!! Going away for a few days. Yup, going to visit some friends. I won't be on the computer, no reading blogs (sob), no checking email (god, can you imagine how full my inbox will be??) no Facebook.

Wait, wait a minute no Facebook??!! EEEKKK...do you have any idea what will happen to my cars in Parking Wars??? My God....I am going to have all kinds of violations...Plus, everyone will be parking on my street and earning more money...

I am appealing to my Parking Wars friends...DutchBitch, Shelli, Stacie and Blonde Blogger, please take pity on me and my little cars. They are not parked illegally on purpose. They will be moved as soon as I get home (or find a computer).

Meanwhile, everyone have a wonderful holiday weekend and don't start any internet drama without me.

Gotta Love the Man

I made the most fantastic dinner this last weekend!

What, you sound surprised? Yes, I cook. I also do the laundry, (well, mine), I clean, (I supervise the hiring of the cleaning lady), I make sure the dogs have their flea medicine, get to the groomers and vet. I am a very busy person and I found the time to make a great dinner.

Snow Crab legs! Yummy.

I love crab. Whether it is Snow Crab, King Crab, Blue crabs (well, them not so much). My all time favorite of course is Dungeness. But here in Florida you have to mortgage your house to get good Dungeness Crab, so we settle for Snow Crab.

Anyway, we steamed the buggers for about 8 minutes. Wow, were they wonderful.

Once I got to eat it, that is.

One thing I had forgotten about crab legs. The amount of work there is to get to any type of substantial food.

I have my crab leg clusters, saving the claw for last of course. I am breaking the legs off of the cluster part and cracking them open. I have this small pile of shredded crab on my plate. Now, I am not one to get the crab out and eat it all immediately. That completely defeats the purpose. You must have a pile of crab on your plate that you can then lovingly pierce with your fork, dip into the butter and let slide into your mouth. Why do that and then have to struggle through another damn shell cracking, mess??

Anyway, I digress, as usual.

I look over at Not a Grampy's plate and he is pulling huge pieces of crab out of the legs. Not shredded??? WTF?

"Hey" I whine, "my legs are defective, I want yours."

He looks over at my plate and smirks.

"Honey, just pull the leg apart at the joint, crack the tip and it all pulls out" He then proceeded to demonstrate....again.

While struggling with my damn crab legs, I end up with more shell in my shredded crab than crab. While Not a Grampy is proceeding on to his third set of legs, leaving no crab on his plate, I might add.

He looks at my pathetic attempts to crack the legs and finally takes pity on me.

While I am sitting there happily sipping my wine, Not a Grampy cracks all the crab legs, and lays all the meat out on a plate, in huge chunks I might add for both of us to enjoy!

Every now and then being pathetic has it rewards. And I didn't have to do dishes either! *smirk*

25 Reasons I Owe My Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home. '

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on, don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

I learned a new word...

Yup, I did, this weekend, from Not A Grampy.

I have no clue how Not A Grampy came up with this one. I don't even want to know why he was checking online for this term/word.

I even checked with my daughter to see if she had heard of it. She is younger than me, not much I should say. I did have her when I was like 10 (yeah right!!). So I just assumed it was a term that she had heard of.

Nope, she didn't know anything about it.

So back to the Urban Dictionary .

Once we did some more research on the word, we really started having some fun with it! And I won't even begin to tell you the type of fun but I even enjoyed it.

I will be paying a lot more attention to people now, especially men.

Oh, what, the word?

Side Pipe