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Thursday, April 17, 2008

So, That is What is Happening!

Email from a Friend

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves?

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick.

The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush.

This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story.

Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee!

Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

*THIS IS NOT A HOAX*. This is happening to women everywhere every night.

*WARN YOUR FRIENDS!*

*P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

**PPS. Since someone stole my boobs last year, I broke down and joined the gang. I'm not sure whose boobs I got, but they are beautiful!! Thank you!!

8 comments:

I am Trish Marie said...

So THAT'S where my boobs went!

Kayli Marie said...

haha that is so funny!

Empty Nest said...

You are hilarious! The boobs under the armpit is my favorite. I've finally added to my blog so you can check out photos of our new baby soon. . . Granny (KG's mom)

Hayley said...

I'm just wondering who the hell that woman is I see first thing in the morning in the mirror? Dragged through hedge backwards hair and baggy eyes. Then I realise its me before I get my face out of the make up bag. Those damn face creams never work.

Not a Granny said...

trish marie-as a recipient of stolen boobies, thank you very much.

kayli-you have a long time before you have to worry about any of this!

empty nest-hello there, I've missed you!!

hayley-tell me about it, don't forget the lovely breath also.

Ann(ie) said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! That is hysterical!

Nanna said...

Well THIS explains a lot!! bwahahahahahahahahaha

Ah well, my original boobs weren't all that much to get excited about anyway!

Scout's Honor said...

funny, my friend.

What I want to know is who is stealing my brain cells? My memory? My ability to write without typos and grammatical mistakes? Sometimes, I look back on what I write and wonder if a 5th grader couldn't do better.


Sigh.

There are brain-nappers out there. I think there might be three that sucked mine out while they were in utero. That's okay. They stole my heart too.