Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me

Yes, today is my birthday.

My co-workers decorated my office at work. Signs all over the place.

They will be fixing lunch and a wonderful cake to celebrate.

Today we will also be cleaning out our co-workers office who passed away Friday night. Another co-worker will be taking the items to the husband tonight.

Saturday are the services.

I know we need to get on with life, celebrate things that come up. Having little parties and get togethers help people grieve and move on. I know that my co-worker would not be angry or upset that we are doing these things.

I'm angry. I am mad as hell. She shouldn't be gone. It doesn't make sense and I don't really want to do anything except cry.

So, yah, Happy Birthday to Me.


Bluepaintred said...

Happy Birthday to you! When i went to the school this morning to bring my sons birthday cup cakes and his puppy for show and tell, the principle was announcing birthdays on the intercom. Including my son, there were four birthdays at school today. Seems this is a popular day!

Im so sorry about your co worker. its one thing when a person is elderly or has been very ill for a while, but when it happens so suddenly like this, it is much much harder to deal with!


Avitable said...

Happy birthday - I bet you don't look a day over 40!

Will we be seeing you guys Saturday night?

BlondeBlogger said...

I have felt so bad about not stopping by and now I'm so happy I was able to now. Perfect timing!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! And yes you deserve to be happy about that, even in the midst of your grief!

I'm so sorry about your coworker. I can only imagine how hard it would be to celebrate a birthday....a life....when someone has just lost theirs.

It is so unfair when those we know and love are taken from us. But you're right...she wouldn't be angry with you. In fact, she's probably smiling down on you and wiping your tears away.

I want to tell you this little story in the hopes it might help some. The Christmas after my uncle passed away, I was so distraught. That was his favorite time of year and he derived so much joy from watching my kids open his presents. It was like he was a little kid again himself.

The Christmas before, we knew it would be his last because he was dying of lung cancer. When he left, he held me and Natalie tight in a long embrace and wouldn't let go. I'll never, ever forget that.

So it's the next Christmas and I'm thinking on all of this. I'm driving through my neighborhood and a smile came on my face as I looked at all of the lights on the houses.

Then I immediately felt guilty for feeling any happiness because he wasn't on this earth to share it with us anymore.

I had the radio on and just as I thought that, his song, "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw (he loved that song and it was played at his funeral) came on the radio.

I knew it was a sign from him that he WAS there with us...he was still enjoying it all and even had a front-row seat now. I knew he wanted me to be happy, and I cried different tears then. I cried bittersweet tears...sadness mixed with a newfound joy.

And then everything I did that Christmas, I did knowing that he was with me and wanted me to be happy. When I smiled, I didn't feel guilty anymore because I knew he was smiling with me.

Sorry to leave such a long comment, but I wanted to share that with you because I believe that your co-worker isn't really gone. Physically, yes, but spiritually, no. And she wants you to smile and celebrate.


I am Trish Marie said...

First, Happy Birthday to you!

Second, I am very sorry to hear that you have lost a friend.

Ann(ie) said...

OH sweetie, I am so sorry for your loss. :( That just sucks.
YOU and I however share the very same birthday. How cool is that???? I knew I liked you! xo. Hang in there my friend.

kate said...

Positive thoughts for you!

Anonymous said...

happy birthay! So sorry to hear about your co-worker. That really sucks. But you are right, she would want you to continue on.

Rose DesRochers said...

Happy Belated. Hey, where are you?