Meet....Not Your Typical Floozy!

I stopped at the grocery store on the way home from work last night. We needed a few essentials.

I am walking down the aisle with a 6 pack of beer in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other when I see them. A mother and teenage daughter walking towards me. Mother pushing the cart filled with groceries, daughter trailing a few paces behind (as teenage daughters do), frantically pulling down her T-Shirt.

Mind you, teenage daughter is a cute little blonde thing. Thin as cute little blond things are, with her hair in a pony tail.

I am, as I said, carrying the few essentials that we needed and I am wearing my black dress slacks, a knit top with 3/4 length sleeves. Said knit top has been washed a few times and it did shrink, I am also wearing my blackberry on my waist band.

Mother says to daughter, "...keep your shirt down, I don't want you walking around with your belly hanging out like some floozy."

"Sorry Mom", says cute teenage daughter.

They both glance at me as we pass...both their eyes drop to my waist area, where my belly is peeking out between my top and my slacks.

Mother frantically glances away and is now almost running down the aisle, daughter blushes and looks away and I? I burst out laughing, loudly. Good thing I had taken out my belly button ring...guess I was not your typical floozy.

Snowbird Regulations

I live in a state that depends on the kindness of others to exist. Meaning, we depend on retired Northern individuals to come to Florida to escape from the harsh winters up North (fondly referred to as Snowbirds). Many of them even come from another country (Canada).

Now, don't get me wrong, Snowbirds are wonderful people and our state could not exist without them. They come into our state/community and buy groceries, go out to eat, shop and visit the many tourist sites around the area, they volunteer at non-profit organizations. They spend money here!! They are good for the economy!! They also own second homes here and don't get any breaks on taxes, etc.

I truly do appreciate our Snowbirds, but I really feel there has to be some sort of regulations put into place and now is the time to do it. Now, when the Snowbirds are headed back to their Northern residences and families. We have about 6 months to get these regulations in place, approved at the State level and sent to each of the Snowbirds at their "permanent" residence.

It would a simple agreement between said Snowbird and the permanent residents of the State of Florida. Something that as they come into the state, they pull over at the "Welcome to Florida" Rest Area and read the agreement and sign it. Nothing too difficult.

Agreement as follows:

• Snowbird will not schedule Dr. Appointments before 9 am or after 3 pm. See, as a working person, I schedule my Dr. appointments either first thing in the morning or the last appointment of the day. I work all day and I can't be taking off in the middle of the afternoon for an appointment. You are not working, you are retired, you can come to the Dr. in the middle of the day.
• Snowbird will not make a left hand turn in the far right lane. (shouldn't need any explanation on that one)
• Snowbird will not go to the bank (and/or post office) between the hours of noon and 2 pm. Again, I am a working person and try to do my banking during my lunch 1/2 hour. Yes, I only get a 1/2 an hour for lunch, so standing in line at the bank while you have the teller balance your check book or try and teach you how to use the ATM, does not make my day.
• Snowbird will not go grocery shopping on Saturday or Sunday. Since I work Monday thru Friday, I tend to use Saturday and/or Sunday as my grocery shopping day. Now, mind you, I don't see a problem if you have to run in quickly to pick up another package of Depends, but come on, you have 5 other days of the week to pick up all that other stuff. There is no reason for you to park your shopping cart in the middle of the aisle, and study every can of green beans on the shelf.
• In order to drive, Snowbird must be able to see over the steering wheel of their car. If you cannot see over the steering wheel and must see through it, I highly recommend you get a booster seat. They make them, they are available and maybe then you won't have to make that left hand turn from the far right lane.
• Snowbird will look behind them when they are backing up in the parking lot. Going in reverse until you hit something, does not constitute looking.
• Snowbird will follow the posted speed limits. Which means, if the speed limit is 45 you will drive 45, not 25 and hold us all up behind you as your peer through the steering wheel, trying to see over the huge front end of your Lincoln, trying to figure out which left you really do want, that one, oh no the next one, oh wait, I needed the one back there so let's stop and start backing up...

And last but not least,

• Snowbirds required to be on oxygen cannot drive. Putting the oxygen tank in the back seat so you can still breath while driving does not work. If you are on oxygen don't drive!

These are just my suggestions.

Redneck Tank Top

Isn't it amazing whatyou can do with a pair of men's underwear?

Time is Running Out to Make Your Choices

Are any of you as confused I am as to who would be a better President this year?

I know there are some that are completely set on their Party member. They truly believe the person their Party has selected is the one who will save us all.

I'm not so sure. I haven't found one of the two that I feel will really make a difference. Will improve my lot in life. Will bring salvation and goodness to our country. (sheesh, I sound like one of their commercials)

Then, while driving to work one morning I heard a voice of reason on my radio. A voice that reached right down into my soul and said.."Yes, Yes, this is what I want."

This candidate says:

"I'm tired of 95% of the country being run by 5% of the people. Somewhere along the way the common folks have been forgotten. This is not about left or right, it is about right and wrong. So, if you're like me and you really want to see some change, join us in the Redneck Party."

So, if you really want to see some change, you really want a real person go here, listen to the song, and let's put a Redneck the White House.

P.S. This is not a paid political advertisement, nor has it been endorsed or approved by any candidates.

A New Word is Born!

Electile Dysfunction : The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for President put forth by either party in the 2008 election year.

Have a Great Weekend Everyone!

Bacon Lovers Unite!

Yup I am going to fix this tonight!!

Politically Correct

Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist".

So, That is What is Happening!

Email from a Friend

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves?

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick.

The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush.

This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story.

Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee!

Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

*THIS IS NOT A HOAX*. This is happening to women everywhere every night.

*WARN YOUR FRIENDS!*

*P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

**PPS. Since someone stole my boobs last year, I broke down and joined the gang. I'm not sure whose boobs I got, but they are beautiful!! Thank you!!

Have You Visited My State?

I never really looked at all the places that we have lived and/or visited. I knew we transferred a lot. Usually from one side of this country to the other. Yes, with two kids, animals, all the fun stuff.

While I was running around my feeds, I stopped by Mushy's Moochings he has this neat map posted of all the states he has visited.

I thought what a great idea. I'm going to check out where we have been. It appears that I have visited 76% of the US.

The Eastern part is sadly lacking in visits from me. So, I guess that is going to become my plan. I want to go to New York, I want to visit Maine.

So how many states have you visited?




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